in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
