it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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