he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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