I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
