What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
