Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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