I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
