Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
