im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
