I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
