You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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