Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
