so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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