May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?