BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper