Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude