I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
