There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame