Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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