what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
