just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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