I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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