This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
