my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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