That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
