I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
