Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
