He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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