He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
