Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
