Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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