I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
