rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
