I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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