im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
