dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
