I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you never un-have a 4some
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
