Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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