Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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