i permit you to call me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
