Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
