When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
