To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
