As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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