What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
