Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
