i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
