I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
