go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
