Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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