if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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