I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
