Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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