from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
