Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
