i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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