dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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