It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The uberlube is also flammable
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize