my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
