sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
