So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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