How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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