Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
