He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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