And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
