I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
