Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize