it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
