I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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