all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
FUCK WHALES
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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