just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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