WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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