yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
