I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
