did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
