Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
